Dating in Saigon
Dating in Ho Chi Minh City has started to feel a bit like Sex and the City, if Carrie Bradshaw had WhatsApp group chats, fewer heels, and significantly less patience. Same rotating cast of men, same post-date debriefs with friends, just set in Saigon instead of Manhattan.
It’s a conversation I’ve been having more and more lately, mostly with other girls who live here. The verdict is almost always the same: it’s hell out here. Entertaining, but absolutely not for the faint-hearted.
I avoided writing this because I didn’t want it to sound like I was criticising people or come across a certain way, but after enough odd encounters and moments that made me stare into space afterwards, it felt worth documenting.
To be clear, it’s not bad. It’s actually quite fun. Just… unhinged at times.
Back home, dating was fairly predictable. People had similar backgrounds, similar expectations, and roughly the same idea of what a date was supposed to lead to. Here, I’ve found myself sitting across from men from all walks of life. It’s like speed running cultural exposure, but with cocktails.
At this point, I don’t really go on dates expecting anything to come from them. I go for the conversation. If it’s good, great. If not, I usually still leave with a story.
The Apps
The apps here feel like their own ecosystem, with no logic behind them.
You’ll mostly find:
Travellers - charming and leaving on Tuesday
Spiritual men - long hair, intense eye contact, and opinions about your “energy”, and an allergy to anything that resembles commitment.
Digital nomads - here for three months, emotionally available for six minutes
Just friends - often in relationships, somehow on Tinder?
It’s a jungle out here.
A Few Highlights from the Field
The No-Pressure Guy
One man told me that asking when we were meeting was “too much pressure.” Apparently, planning ahead is too intense.
We actually went on a date first, and it was great. We got on well, he asked to see me again. All good.
Then he messaged: “We should hang out.” I replied: “Sure, what time?” No response.
The next day, same message. I said I was busy now but could do later. Still no response.
Day three, same again. When I finally asked why he kept suggesting plans without replying, he explained that me asking for a time made it feel “too official.” He thought I was chill and casual.
So apparently, wanting to know when something is happening is high maintenance.
Noted.
The Vanishing Act
I went on a first date with a Welsh guy and it was genuinely good. Easy conversation, no noticeable red flags. He asked for a second date and actually planned it, time, place, everything. Progress.
Saturday came and he messaged that morning saying he was excited to see me. An hour later, I opened Instagram and saw him boarding a plane.
To Indonesia.
Safe to say, I didn’t reply and made alternative plans for my Saturday night.
The Online Business Man
This one still makes my eye twitch.
He turned up in badly fitted checkered trousers, loafers, and slicked-back hair. Not my type, but I stayed. Optimism is a disease.
I asked what he did for work. He said, “business.” Fair enough. I asked what kind. He smiled and said I “wouldn’t understand.”
Instant rage.
From that point on, the date turned into a slideshow: his car, his Rolex, his trips to Dubai, then the car again. The business itself remained a mystery, but the ankle-length trousers told me everything I needed to know.
I’m surprised I stayed a full hour. In reality, I checked out the moment he said I wouldn’t understand. The rest was just me being polite and waiting for the coffee to finish.
The Men with Multiple Girlfriends This one comes up more than you’d expect.
I was at a bar when a French guy started chatting to me and, mid-conversation, tried very discreetly to change his lock screen picture. Unfortunately for him, I noticed.
I asked if he had a girlfriend. He said yes. Then clarified he had girlfriends. In different countries.
He seemed proud. I was not keen on joining the international rotation.
It’s not a one off either. On New Year’s Eve, a guy asked for my number, seemed very interested, then casually mentioned he was there with his girlfriend, he just didn’t know where she was…
No judgement, people do whatever works for them. But being unknowingly added to a roster isn’t really for me.
Performative Men (a category of their own)
This might just be my personal experience. I’ve been told many times that I know how to pick them. My mum once said I could be in a room full of genuinely lovely men and I’d still somehow end up talking to the seasoned womaniser. I call it a talent.
And to be fair, I’m very aware of who I’m dealing with. I’m not naïve. I see it coming. I just… still go along with it sometimes.
Lately, the first dates I’ve been on have been incredibly performative. Big compliments straight away. Talking about “us” before the first drink arrives. Very rehearsed. Very intense. Very factor 50, love bombing energy.
It’s something I’ve come across a few times here, particularly among some Australians and Americans (I’m not trying to stereotype), who treats dating like a performance.
It’s obvious. And it doesn’t really work on me (most of the time).
A Common Dynamic
Then there’s a whole other side of dating here that’s hard to ignore.
The older Western men dating much younger Vietnamese women.
I once had a conversation with a guy from Wakefield in a bar who’d been living here for about eight years. He was sitting at a table surrounded by women, casually throwing cash around. When I asked how he liked living here, he told me that he loved Vietnam because it was easy to juggle multiple girlfriends at once. He also said that because the cost of living is so low, he could appear wealthy here in a way he never could back in the UK.
This isn’t just a Vietnam thing. It’s a well known dynamic in parts of Southeast Asia. Some men move here because dating feels easier than it did back home. That’s just the reality of it.
It’s a completely different dating scene to the one I’m navigating, with its own expectations. I mostly just notice it and move on. It’s a whole separate ball game.
Why None of This Ever Goes Anywhere
The main issue with dating here isn’t bad dates, it’s speed.
People come and go constantly. Tourists. Short-term contracts. Digital nomads who treat countries like browser tabs. Everyone’s either arriving, leaving, or “still figuring it out.”
So dating stays casual by default. No one’s really expecting long-term outcomes. You meet, you chat, you laugh, maybe you see each other again, maybe they move country next week.
Which is fine.
At this point, I go on dates with very low expectations. I’m not trying to build anything. I just enjoy meeting new people. If it’s fun, great. If not, at least the blog gets content.
Dating here is messy, but never dull.
You take it for what it is.
With love from Saigon,
Anaïs