Mastering Being Alone
I’ve always been comfortable doing things on my own, hopping on a plane solo, hiking through trails alone, it comes naturally. But cafés and restaurants? That used to feel impossible. I imagined everyone noticing, silently judging: “Look at her, all by herself, how sad.” The reality? No one cares. People are too wrapped up in their own lives to glance twice.
Now, walking into a restaurant alone feels completely normal. I order exactly what I want, sit wherever I like, and never have to negotiate anyone else’s schedule or preferences. It’s made me see that there’s very little in life I can’t navigate on my own.
Social Media vs. Reality
Spend five minutes on Instagram or TikTok, and you’ll see solo dates everywhere, reading in cafés or wandering markets with a latte in one hand and a perfectly positioned phone in the other. And I get it, they’re showing independence as something fun, aspirational, even aesthetic. Some creators do it beautifully, showing that spending time with yourself can be genuinely empowering. I do admire that.
But filming yourself every step of the way isn’t really being alone. It’s performing solitude for an audience. Talking to your camera, narrating every bite, every page turn, every step, interaction with thousands of viewers is not interaction with yourself. You’re still “on,” still calculating how it will look and be received.
I completely understand why people do it; influencing the idea of independence is a skill. But staged solitude doesn’t allow for real reflection, self-discovery, or noticing the small, unremarkable moments that make alone time special. Real solo time is quiet, sometimes awkward, occasionally uncomfortable, and exactly because of that, freeing.
My Solo Trip to Mui Ne
I’ve just come back from a solo beach trip, and I had such a lovely time.
I took myself for fresh seafood, sat right by the sea with a cold beer, looked out at the waves and people-watched like it was a sport. Nobody was looking at me, nobody cared that I was alone. And even if they were? I don’t speak their language well enough to know what they’re saying, so it’s not my problem.
I explored the area, visited the sights, and had my favourite moment of the trip: My Grab driver literally became my unofficial tour guide. I booked a bike to the sand dunes, and when we arrived, my driver warned me that it would be nearly impossible to find another Grab to get back. He offered to wait while I explored the area, then take me to my next stop. I didn’t fully believe he would actually wait, but he did!
Important side note: I didn’t just hop on the back of his bike every time he picked me up. I always made sure to book everything through the Grab app so he could accept it officially. Please, don’t just get on the back of random people yelling “Grab!” at you.
If I’d been with someone else, we probably never would’ve had that little adventure, the freedom to explore exactly what I wanted, and end up with a Grab driver as an impromptu tour guide. That’s the kind of experience only comes from doing your own thing.
Being Alone vs. Being Lonely
People mix these two up all the time.
Lonely is when you crave connection and don’t have it.
Alone is when you have connection but choose yourself.
I recently read a paper by Christopher Long and James Averill (nerdy, I know, don’t judge!) that explored the benefits of being alone. They found that self-chosen solitude can boost self-reflection, emotional regulation, and personal growth, whereas enforced isolation tends to make people feel stressed and lonely. Choosing to be alone, then, isn’t just a lifestyle choice, it can actually be really good for your mental wellbeing.
Vietnam has taught me that being alone can be the most fulfilling thing. And ironically, I’m never truly alone anyway. Everywhere I go, I meet people. Not all lifelong friends or soulmates, just interesting humans who colour my day. I’ve had some of the best conversations with strangers I’ll never see again.
Doing things alone doesn’t make you a loner. It makes you self-sufficient. My absolute worst nightmare is having to follow someone else’s schedule, waiting for them to get ready, or deciding what they want to do (starting to make sense why I’m single…). Being alone means I move at my own pace, eat where I want, see what I want, and fully enjoy the day on my terms. It’s a freedom I never knew I needed.
Why Doing Things Alone Matters
I think what makes me happiest is seeing other people take the leap themselves. A friend recently texted me: “You’ve inspired me to use my free will.” She’s now planning her own solo beach trip. That small text meant so much. It was such a tiny thing, but it made me smile to see someone else embracing the freedom of doing things on their own.
Time on your own isn’t about filling it or ticking off a trendy “solo date.” It’s about presence, listening to your thoughts, noticing your surroundings, and making decisions entirely for yourself. Doing things solo is liberating. You don’t wait around, you don’t compromise your preferences, and you experience life fully on your terms.
For me, living abroad made it easier. The motivation wasn’t just independence, it was a fear of regret. So much to see, and the window of time is small. If I waited for someone else, I wouldn’t have done half the things I’ve done. Forcing myself to do more alone, over and over, has made it second nature. The anxious thoughts I used to have about going to a café or restaurant alone? Gone. Normal. Easy.
The best part? Seeing friends try it themselves. Watching someone take themselves to a café, a market, or the beach alone and actually enjoy it is so satisfying. It’s about carving out your own space and realising how freeing it can be.
With love from Saigon,
Anaïs
A small collection of moments I experienced alone that became some of the biggest memories of my life.
