Why You Shouldn’t Move Abroad

Warning: Moving abroad may result in irreversible personal development.

Side effects include:

·       Developing independence against your will

·       Losing patience for nonsense

·       Never being able to romanticise ‘normal life’ again

Proceed with caution.

1. You Accidentally Become Capable

Moving abroad is basically exposure therapy disguised as an adventure.

Because once you’ve built a life in another country, visas, rent, bureaucracy, friendships, doctor’s appointments in a second language, something deeply inconvenient happens:

You realise you can function.

On your own.

Without anyone holding your hand.

If something needs doing, you do it. Alone. Calmly. Usually with Google Translate open.

And then it escalates.

You handle things you genuinely did not expect to handle.

For example: someone crashed into me.

My bike went down. Traffic carried on as usual. One man picked up my bike and handed me my Croc while I sat on the curb doing a full medical check on myself, hands bleeding, knee swelling, adrenaline high.

Instead of going to the hospital like a sensible adult, I got back on my bike and went to work.

I sat in a chair, taught with broken hands and a very questionable knee, and only later thought, that was probably not normal behaviour.

And that’s the problem.

Once you’ve survived enough weird little crises, you stop seeing yourself as fragile.

You stop believing you need backup plans or constant reassurance to cope.

You become… capable.

Which sounds great until you realise you can no longer convincingly tell yourself you can’t do hard things.

Very inconvenient if you enjoyed having excuses.

2. You Develop an Unreasonable Amount of Confidence

Living abroad doesn’t just change what you can do, it changes how you carry yourself. Starting over somewhere new rewires your sense of what’s embarrassing, what’s intimidating, and what’s even worth being nervous about.

Because once you’ve spent enough time being the person asking slightly stupid questions and figuring things out in public. The fear of looking foolish doesn’t hit the same when you realise nobody cares nearly as much as you thought they did.

So the confidence shows up almost by accident.

You start talking to strangers without rehearsing. You go to events alone knowing you’ll be fine, and somehow you always come out the other side having met someone. You travel somewhere new without needing a detailed plan, because you trust yourself to figure it out as you go.

You stop being scared of confrontation and uncomfortable conversations. If there’s a problem, you handle it. Which is strange, because the old version of you would’ve avoided it completely.

You stop waiting to feel “ready” before doing things. You stop needing permission to take up space.

So yes. Unfortunately, you start acting like you belong everywhere. And people will occasionally inform you that this is… a lot.

3. You Get Comfortable Being Alone

Living abroad forces you to spend time with yourself.

You do things alone because you don’t have the same built-in people yet. So you start small. Coffee on your own. A walk. Sitting somewhere with your thoughts.

And then it escalates.

Suddenly you’re doing everything alone. Getting food alone. Spending weekends alone. Travelling around Vietnam alone like it’s completely normal.

Not in a sad way. In a genuinely enjoyable way.

It takes a while to get used to, mostly because you’re taught that being alone is something to fix. That it’s a temporary state until your life fills up again.

But eventually it becomes fun.

You realise you don’t need constant company to enjoy your own life. You learn how to fill your time without distraction. How to be with yourself without it feeling like a gap.

And then, unfortunately, you get a bit too good at it.

There’s suddenly very little you can’t do on your own.

You stop reaching for people or plans just to avoid being by yourself. You start choosing things because you want them, not because you need them.

You become slightly too self-sufficient, which is not ideal if you enjoyed being overly dependent on plans.

4. You’ll Become Annoyingly Adaptable

Living abroad trains you out of overreacting.

Missed bus? Fine.
Your work permit gets delayed. Again.
Everything going slightly wrong at once? Classic.

This is… normal.

At some point, you stop expecting things to run smoothly and start assuming there will be friction. You learn to wait, re-submit, follow up, and accept that what was fine last month might not be fine now.

And instead of stressing, you just… deal with it.

The problem with this is that very little rattles you anymore.

Situations that send other people spiralling barely register. You adapt, adjust, and move on.

Which sounds great, until you realise you’ve become that person who stays calm while everyone else is losing it.

Efficient and slightly unbearable.

5. You’ll Ruin the Idea of a ‘Normal’ Life

You’ve seen too many versions of adulthood to believe in one template. Too many ways people organise work, friendships, ambition, money, and time, and too many lives that function perfectly well without following the order you were taught was mandatory.

And if you’ve lived somewhere like Vietnam, it becomes genuinely hard to imagine moving home. You get used to a life where things are easier. Food is cheap and everywhere. Serviced apartments are normal. Life doesn’t demand quite so much constant effort.

You realise you’re living a version of adulthood that would be completely unreachable back home. Me and my friends worked it out the other day, to have this same lifestyle in London, you’d need to be well into the six figures. And in your early twenties, that’s basically fiction.

Suddenly you’re living a life you simply couldn’t afford in England.

Which is, unfortunately, a problem. Because once you’ve experienced adulthood with the admin removed, and the financial pressure turned down, it’s hard to feel enthusiastic about returning to a version of life that comes with grocery lists, chores, and rent that eats your entire salary.

The real issue is that it makes you impossible to scare back into “normal.” The standard adult package starts to look less like a goal and more like an unnecessary amount of effort for no clear reward.

Anyway… consider yourself warned.

With Love from Saigon

Anaïs

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